Dear Stranger

So this image

and possibly a couple of others (I haven’t gotten my copy yet to check) were printed in this book: http://www.arthousecoop.com/items/scavengerprojectbook as a part of an Art House Co-op project. You should check it out, and check them out, because their projects are very cool to get involved with.

I spend a lot of time alone. I can’t really even say that I substitute real life friends with internet friends, because while I do sometimes do exactly that I often can’t even maintain those friendships because I quite literally spend most of my time completely on my own. Or with one of a handful of very close long term friends who manage to understand that being with someone doesn’t always mean interacting with one another. I wasn’t always like this but, I must admit, I’m happiest this way.

I went to a movie the other night and while sitting in the middle of the theater listening to people laughing and joking with each other I felt like something rather than someone. The last few weeks I’ve been retreating more and more into myself because I keep getting that feeling of being somehow not a part of my surroundings. It’s not anxiety. Normally I think it would trigger the anxiety but lately it doesn’t. I just sit there watching and listening and thinking and feeling there but not there.

You know how when you’re a kid you invariably at some point say “I’ll never be a grown up.” But for the most part you forget about that promise to yourself somewhere between first kisses and first jobs and look back and wonder what happened? Sometimes I think that maybe, just maybe, I’m that one kid who said it and meant it. If you don’t want to be one of them, you just don’t step into their world. That’s what I was thinking about in the theater staring at the back of the heads of the couple in front of me, before pulling my knees up to my chin in the chair and settling back to watch the movie.

Someone sent me a link to this song earlier, it’s been playing on repeat for the last few hours. I really love it: http://radio3.cbc.ca/play/band/Tanya-Davis/Art/

I wondered what would be the worth of my words in the world
if i write them and then recite them are they worth being heard
just because i like them does that mean i should mic them
and see what might unfurl

i think of the significance of my opinions here
is it significant to be giving them does anybody care
just because i’m into this does that mean i should live like it
and really do i dare

art, art i want you
art you make it pretty hard not too
and my heart is trying hard here to follow you
but i can’t always tell if i ought to

so i pondered the point of my art in this life
if i make it will someone take it and think it’s genuine
will they be glad that i did ’cause they got something good out of it
will they leave me and be any more inspired

i question the outcome of the outpouring of myself
if i tell everyone my stories will this keep me healthy and well
will it give me purpose, to this world some sort of service
is it worth it, how can i tell

art, art…

There was some trouble with the servers over this weekend and Dear Stranger has been offline since saturday. Apologies to everyone, we should be back online without any more interruptions (fingers crossed on that one).

I’m not sure why these photographs have been on my mind this morning but they have.
They are from a project that I worked on my junior year at Parsons called “Home Turf.”
As I remember it, the basic idea of all of the projects done in this class was to explore the relationship between a given institution, The New School, and those who utilize it. For my project I had interviewed a random sample of students across various divisions and programs at the school, asking questions about how the expectations they’d had for their educational experience compared to the actual experience of being a student navigating through the school. Towards the end of the project I worked on this set of photographs as a way of drawing this “public” exploration back down into a “private” or personal-to-me one.

I played with this one in a few ways. It was a particularly simple but striking statement to me at the time… and still, but for different reasons.

Not all negative sentiments…

But many were

I’m happily done with Parsons now and studying at Hunter College instead. I set the curve on an exam in my “Brain and Behavior” exam last week, which is part of why Dear Stranger hasn’t seen a decent update in a while.

There were other thoughts… maybe later. I’m baking a lasagna.

I got a copy of anders nilsen’s “The End” this morning.

It’s sad. In that way that things are only ever sad when they’re really honest, so it’s beautiful, but you feel a bit guilty for thinking so- because under the beauty, it’s still sad, honestly so.

Which is to say I liked it a lot. I like most of his stuff. You should look it up.

Here are the stages that the drawing went through more or less. Click for larger versions.

(You can also read my rant about process on the sketch blog I’m starting with my roommate, http://thewickertoilet.wordpress.com )

“the suffering of others wins poetry contests and gets you laid”

I saw that over at secret vespers today and I really liked it. It reminded me of something I had written down while flipping channels and stumbling on the show “Intervention” on A&E. I meant to work it into a drawing or something eventually, but haven’t found the right image to really relay the thought just right:

“People are coming apart at the seams, and it’s entertainment.”

I play with the idea of confession in my own art quite a bit, and with suffering… but it’s always honest, it’s always my own to talk about, and it isn’t really with the intention of entertaining anyone. Just… in the hopes of offering some sense of connection. For you or for me, I’m not so sure.

I’m keeping a sketch blog with my roommate called the wicker toilet.

I just posted some of the process work that went into this image:

This song: I wish that I could see you soon, by Herman Düne puts me in a good mood, the video does too. Reminds me a bit of Cat Stevens. It’s one of those songs that I keep playing on repeat and grinning to. I like the green men.